my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
