your room smells of hookers.
And success
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
