he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
