he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize