Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
