whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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