and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
