If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
