Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
