just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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