Its about making memories worth repressing
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
