please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
