Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
did i just pee glitter
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
