well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
