just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I AM VODKA MAN
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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