I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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