where am i from again
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize