this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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