fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
