hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
