i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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