It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
