wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
