her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
