dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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