a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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