So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
