Well apparently he's into motor boating.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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