I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
