dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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