i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think my moral compass just broke
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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