Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Do you still have your period?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
