Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
