Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
