i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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