whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize