I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently you make a good broom.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
