he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
