it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
