He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
