Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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