He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
