you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
