And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
