mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
