Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
