Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
