Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
