Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
