If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
