My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
