He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize