1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
