woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
