On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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