How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
