Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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