What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
