I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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