ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So much rum. So many feels.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
