I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
