it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sext me about skeletons
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
