were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
