I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
