So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
